What a Beautiful Life (The Season of College)

This life is crazy beautiful. But it's also crazy hard. I have been thinking a lot about the amount of growth I have experienced since college started and it blows my mind.

I started college thinking I knew everything and was never going to change. I came from a small private school where I was involved in everything and had the best grades. I was on top of the world.

Then, I asked God to give me a challenge. The song "Oceans" became my anthem until it became a reality. My reality hit me like a ton of bricks the day I chose to attend one of the most liberal universities in California: UC Santa Cruz. (!!!)

What was I thinking you might ask?! Well, I wanted out of the bubble. I wanted a faith that was not confined to the small Christian circle I had known my whole life. Don't get me wrong, the bubble is fantastic. And cozy. And safe. But was it real?

Was my faith just some offspring root of my parent's faith or the product of going to a Christian school my whole life?

I wanted to find out... or so I thought.  The second week into college, my roommate was arrested by the police for drug and alcohol abuse. I was terrified out of my mind. I didn't sign up for this! This cant be what God meant when I promised to walk the unknown with Him. When it became too scary to actually walk on the water, I almost gave up.

I wanted to go back to the bubble. I was uncomfortable, lonely, and scared. I missed my family and missed being in the limelight.

But Jesus never ever failed me. Even in my most dark moments, He never once left me and I never once doubted his realness or faithfulness in my life. He became more real to me then ever before.

He gave me a beautiful life with a strong wake up call. He reminded me of his grace (fitting since my senior thesis paper was on grace and I thought I knew all about it) in a way I had never experienced.

He brought me to my knees and made me trust Him and not my self. He brought people into my life that were so different than what I had planned on, all to teach me to let go and just TRUST in his goodness.

And now here we are, year two and I am totally humbled with the thought of who I thought I was compared to who I am. I am also amazed though, at what Jesus says I am despite what I think I am.

I'm still learning all about life. To be honest, I have probably made more mistakes in the past two years than I have in my whole life leading up to college. But you know what? I feel completely and utterly at peace only because of who I know I am in Jesus.

When I was four,  I asked Jesus to be apart of my life as my daddy held me close and helped me pray the prayer that is still changing my life.

Faithful he has been and faithful he will be. From being four years old and accepting Jesus, to seventeen and graduating, to nineteen and in college, every season has been a gift. Every single one.

I'm in a season of tremendous growth right now and sometimes I want to throw in the towel. But man, how I have seen my life change because of Jesus.

And I don't want it to ever stop.

A Goodbye (High School) Speech

Home. A word categorized not by the physical structure of a two story house lined with a white picket fence but of the people it contains inside.

For me, Rancho was home. From the time my little three year old self marched into Sonshine preschool and promptly told my mom she could leave, to now experiencing the thrill of graduating, Rancho has and will forever be home.

For inside a home, a family resides. And that is what you all are to me, my family. I have never seen love on display so clearly than I have from the teachers and students here at Rancho and from the bottom of my heart I would like to say thank you. Thank you for the lasting friendships I have been able to make, for the knowledge I have gained, and for the foundation of faith that is now unshakable.

My Rancho family began when I met Chelsea Sanderson and April Treadway in preschool and has grown into the people you see sitting here today. From halloween parties at Rachael’s, off campus lunches at every restaurant on Temecula Parkway, yelling at the top of your lungs football games,  senior domination at Forest Home,our epic prank, the grueling but rewarding senior project, senior trip and Disneyland grad night, this year has been a year none of us will ever forget.

The Senior Class of 2015 has a unique disposition which can be seen in the way we love. For we love big. We fight for the ones we care about, we wrestle with injustices, we seek to do what is right, and we love Jesus fiercely.

Our hearts are for the abused and nothing, not even oceans or continents will ever stop us from reaching the lives of the broken.

With a sense of pride in our school, our class has Tried to lead through example. We've modeled how students should respect the teachers, compete in activities, and give 100% effort into everything they do.

From the moment we shoved three picnic tables together in the middle of the dining hall at Forest Home to accommodate all of us, I knew we were a class that was one and the same.

The song oceans became our anthem and the bridge our prayers which says:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my savior.

United at the core, we have become a family, that will leave a legacy for all to see. Scholars, athletes, actors and actresses, quiet, talkative, spirited, and serious students who never chose to just be “good enough.”

Because of this tenacious spirit, the senior class of 2015 is prepared to enter the world with confidence, character, and integrity.

How you might ask? Because we have the single most important aspect needed to change the world.

We have belief in the power of Jesus Christ. Because of Him we have a love that moves mountains, grace that begins again every single morning,a peace that covers our darkest fears, and a confidence in ourselves derived from knowing that our value is in Him and Him alone.

As we take the first steps towards our future, I hope you remember the power you possess in the name of Jesus Christ. For in Him you are worth for more than gold.  You are loved, you are valued, you are free, and you are unstoppable.

Remember the words of truth found in our song that radically touched all of us that starry night in Catalina. When you are faced with trials of many kinds, remember that you are His, and He is yours. In your moment of weakness remember the One who is there to catch you when you fall. In your teary-eyed nights, remember the God of Comfort. In your stress and in your fears remember the God of peace. And in every season of life from now until eternity remember the God of love, who will never ever let you go.  

So let’s not say goodbye. Because from this moment on we will carry a piece of each other with us, reminding us of this year and the family we have become, giving us hope as we embark on this crazy rollercoaster of a life.

For life really is all about the journey, and it is just now beginning.

I love you all.

Thank you.

A Letter to my Future Husband

Change

Change is a scary thing they say. But with change, comes a whole lot of joy as well.

For me, change allowed me to appreciate the family and friends around me that much more.

It opened my eyes to the time I was missing walking with my mom or dancing in front of the mirror with my sisters.

It brought adventure into my life as I examined the world around me a little closer with my besties.

It made grace become real and the power of God's faithfulness so much more prominent.

It brought Jesus and I to a new level. One where my faith has never been so beautifully consuming to me then it is now.

And for that, I am so thankful. Growing and learning still? Of course.

But scared for what is waiting just over the horizon? Nope.

Because change is good.

Life is good.

And God is good. Always.

A Teary-Eyed Girl

When two hearts seem to be perfectly meant for each other, bound together with every smile and laugh shared throughout time, disaster seems to be no where in sight.

And yet in a single moment, a flash of inconsistency, a raw emotional hiccup in time, it all becomes a dream.

The memories of starry nights, french fries and chocolate dipped ice cream cones, and the sweetest kisses are now only something longed to be explained.

Why, one might ask. Why, how, what, and when become a jumbled chaos of questions in the brain of a teary-eyed seventeen girl who just wants to understand.

Could she have done something different? Said something sweeter?

Clinging to truth, to love, to grace she sits. Basking in the power of love that could only come from her Savior, her Redeemer.

For although she sits, teary-eyed and heartbroken, she is not alone.

Nor will she ever be.