This life is crazy beautiful. But it's also crazy hard. I have been thinking a lot about the amount of growth I have experienced since college started and it blows my mind.
I started college thinking I knew everything and was never going to change. I came from a small private school where I was involved in everything and had the best grades. I was on top of the world.
Then, I asked God to give me a challenge. The song "Oceans" became my anthem until it became a reality. My reality hit me like a ton of bricks the day I chose to attend one of the most liberal universities in California: UC Santa Cruz. (!!!)
What was I thinking you might ask?! Well, I wanted out of the bubble. I wanted a faith that was not confined to the small Christian circle I had known my whole life. Don't get me wrong, the bubble is fantastic. And cozy. And safe. But was it real?
Was my faith just some offspring root of my parent's faith or the product of going to a Christian school my whole life?
I wanted to find out... or so I thought. The second week into college, my roommate was arrested by the police for drug and alcohol abuse. I was terrified out of my mind. I didn't sign up for this! This cant be what God meant when I promised to walk the unknown with Him. When it became too scary to actually walk on the water, I almost gave up.
I wanted to go back to the bubble. I was uncomfortable, lonely, and scared. I missed my family and missed being in the limelight.
But Jesus never ever failed me. Even in my most dark moments, He never once left me and I never once doubted his realness or faithfulness in my life. He became more real to me then ever before.
He gave me a beautiful life with a strong wake up call. He reminded me of his grace (fitting since my senior thesis paper was on grace and I thought I knew all about it) in a way I had never experienced.
He brought me to my knees and made me trust Him and not my self. He brought people into my life that were so different than what I had planned on, all to teach me to let go and just TRUST in his goodness.
And now here we are, year two and I am totally humbled with the thought of who I thought I was compared to who I am. I am also amazed though, at what Jesus says I am despite what I think I am.
I'm still learning all about life. To be honest, I have probably made more mistakes in the past two years than I have in my whole life leading up to college. But you know what? I feel completely and utterly at peace only because of who I know I am in Jesus.
When I was four, I asked Jesus to be apart of my life as my daddy held me close and helped me pray the prayer that is still changing my life.
Faithful he has been and faithful he will be. From being four years old and accepting Jesus, to seventeen and graduating, to nineteen and in college, every season has been a gift. Every single one.
I'm in a season of tremendous growth right now and sometimes I want to throw in the towel. But man, how I have seen my life change because of Jesus.
And I don't want it to ever stop.